Men may not voice their need for attention, appreciation and affection as vocally as women. But they need them just as much, and sometimes even more.
Yesterday I wrote about the Three Best Gifts A Man Can Give to A Woman.
It raised much debate from both male and female friends and readers.
The issue was that the 3A’s – Attention, Appreciation and Affection – might also be the best gifts a woman could give to a man.
And I couldn’t help but wonder: Does gender really play a role in this? Or are these simply fundamental human needs essential to create, sustain, and grow a rich and lasting relationship, for both men and women?
Five Best Gifts a Woman Can Give to a Man
What I realized is this: That men may not voice their need for attention, appreciation and affection as vocally as women. But they need them just as much, and sometimes even more.
What they would call attention, appreciation and affection, however, may be expressed in different ways. And generally men seem to have a higher need for freedom and alone time than women do.
1. Attention
Jaime Foxx said it well, “Most men want the admiration of women – their smiles, their attention, their interest. That’s why we beat our chests; that’s why we play basketball and football. We want to know how you feel about us.”
Men need attention to know that they are admired and valued, that they are making a contribution in our lives, and that they make us happy.
2. Appreciation
Since a man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears, perhaps the gestures of appreciation take a more visual context.
For example, a sensual evening with candles and a sexy dress, etc. – something you can never have too much of.
I think we should deposit as much appreciation into our relationship bank accounts as possible. It will help on rainy PMS days.
3. Affection
Men may want to play the role and act like a man, and hence not admit that they need affection as much as women do.
But even the toughest men can be softened by a woman’s touch. Give him as much affection as you can.
4. Freedom
Of course we all need freedom and space outside the relationship. But men seem to have a stronger need for this.
They really need “guy time,” testosterone versus estrogen. Time with the guys, beer and football seem to be the rituals for most American males.
5. Wind Down Time
At the end of a long day, we women like to talk over what we’ve experienced, to solve problems and unwind.
Most men prefer to have some quiet time or do something different to unwind their day. So give your man some time to decompress when he gets home from a long day at work.
Note: While I am certainly not an expert about men, the above came from my personal experience, observation, and conversations with men. If you have some insights, please leave a comment and share it.
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary Chapman
Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs, by Emerson Eggerichs
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, by John Gottman PhD and Nan Silver
Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict, by Jonathan Robinson
Brett says
November 30, 2012 at 11:13 amFor holiday 2012 take a look at the newly launched gift recommendation website giftivo.com. Giftivo is a gift recommendation website that works by importing your friends’ Facebook profile data to provide customized gift ideas. It’s a great place to start your gift search.
Jing says
April 9, 2012 at 4:41 pm“The man is a showy beast that needs to have his self doubt lovingly undermined by a spirited woman with a never ending heart.”How beautiful and how true. I love this! Thank you Phoenix for sharing your insight. It’s my hope that more men will get in touch with their feminine sides. As women we’re blessed to be in touch with our emotions which are such powerful teachers, though challenging to manage at times 🙂
phoenix la fez says
April 7, 2012 at 12:38 amthank you for this list of pointers, i adore my boyfriend! and understanding his needs helps me in that i can be aware of what he might be asking or fishing for in sometimes less than verbally efficient ways. women are fortunate being freer to vocalise needs in a way that is true to feelings and while there are some men that openly defy that convention there are still so many guys seemingly traumatised by the very IDEA of the lightest heart to heart. the man is a showy beast that needs to have his self doubt lovingly undermined by a spirited woman with a never ending heart.
Jing Jin says
November 28, 2010 at 6:54 amPeter, thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. No doubt, more sex and orgasm are good for health and relationship. I agree with you, men cannot teach women about that. It is a woman’s responsibility to learn to give herself pleasure 🙂 Your 3-1 ratio sounds very interesting! I have not heard of that before. Your feedback intrigued and inspired me. I will write a few posts around this topic. Thanks for the inspiration!!
Peter Godinez says
November 27, 2010 at 8:25 pmI really and sincerely appreciate your efforts to understand men. All the suggestions definitely will help in a relationships. It may not surprise you that “more sex” is what a man needs. The truth (in my opinion) is that a women needs more sex. The ratio I have heard regarding orgasms is (3 to 1). Even more suprisely. this means 3 woman orgasms to 1 men orgasms. Men can not train women in this area. A man cannot not be the major “trainer in this. Big mistake. Women need to teach other women. I hope this does not not offend too many women (or men). I am being sincere about this. Is the a women who would be opposed to having more orgasm is a week? Can you imagine how much more happy both genders would be.