Last night I went to yoga. While waiting I picked up a book, “Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind.” I’d heard of this famous book, but hadn’t yet read it. For some reason, it spoke to me at that moment and asked me to take it home. So I did.
In the book there is a chapter about control. It says,
“To give your sheep or cow a large, spacious meadow is the way to control him.”
How so? Intrigued, I read further…
To summarize, everything we see is changing, losing its balance. But in the background is the perfect balance. We fight and try to control our sufferings. But it is not possible because suffering is simply how we live, grow and extend our life. Rather than trying to control it, the best policy is to let it do what it wants – give your sheep or cow a large, spacious meadow to roam around – then watch it, without trying to control it.
This explanation is contradictory to our natural instinct. When we want to control something, we usually are inclined to tighten the leash and shorten the boundaries. Give it a large and spacious meadow? Hmm…
I’m still digesting the real meaning of this, but I think the wisdom is confirmed by my own experiences. The more I try to control PMS or my emotions, the worst they get. When I cease trying to control them and give them permission and space to do what they want – to express and exhaust themselves – they usually come and go as they please. And in doing, so cease to be a suffering.
What’s your experience? What are your thoughts on this Zen wisdom? Appreciate your comment.
Jing says
November 6, 2011 at 10:35 amSo instead of trying to push my feelings down further into the subconscious, I invited them to speak to me telling me what it was that I needed. Sometimes I had a aha moment and clearer understanding of the situation. Sometimes I went for a walk, or did meditation or writing, often the original feelings of anger or sadness subsided and dissolved… I find it helpful to get out of the mind, not obsess with negative thoughts, but give it some room to roam by talking to us or exhausting its energy in some more constructive ways…
Jing says
November 6, 2011 at 10:35 amLinda, you raised an excellent question. Thank you! I’ve tried both ways, allowing PMS to roam free hurting the very people I love (and myself), or attempting to control PMS by suppressing my feelings. Both didn’t seem to work well. I think you’re very right. It’s important to create a fence so the cows don’t trample the neighbors. We can enlarge the fence as we gain more control of our emotions. For me, the fence started by containing my feelings within myself. After many failed attempts, I realized that my own feelings during PMS could be triggered by other people and outside events, but they were not not caused by them. Rather they were caused by my way of thinking or perception.
Linda says
November 5, 2011 at 3:14 pmI love everything about the above writing, but there is a concern in my mind. I have allowed my PMS to roam free in the past, and it has hurt and alienated people. Even with a large meadow, there has to be a fence somewhere so the cows don’t trample the neighbors……….? I am completely open to any wisdom anyone wants to offer me in return. Thank you so very much. I really need some direction here. 🙂 Linda