Let’s face it; you’re a beautiful, attractive, single young woman. You’re smart, too. Still, you’re not perfect – you have many ex-boyfriends to attest to that. The fact is that you’re a PMS bitch. You know it. Your friends and family know it. It’s even been posted on Twitter and Facebook. The truth hurts.
Many people think you should prepare for a life of singlehood, but that’s not part of your five-year plan. You are going to find the perfect man and live happily ever after, despite the fact that you are a PMS bitch.
How will you do this? That analytical brain of yours and lots of observation has finally paid off. You’re going to do it by finding the perfect PMS boyfriend. After twenty-four failed relationships, some lasting less than an hour, you have finally identified the possible professions of the perfect PMS boyfriend. Men with the jobs listed below are the ideal boyfriend candidates for you.
1. The Stay-at-home Dad.
This guy is single and works at home as a freelancer of some sort, because he wants to be there for his kids. He is nurturing and kind and willing to overlook the faults of spoiled children (which describes you perfectly). Plus, nothing says love like a man who can do the grocery shopping and cook too.
2. The Medical Doctor.
Remember that looks do not matter at all when it comes to doctors. First of all, they recognize that PMS really does make you crazy. And two, the best part, they can get you drugs. Fat, bald – doesn’t matter. Docs rule!
3. The Soldier.
God knows you’re not worthy of a US Serviceman, but crap, is anyone worthy of a man who will die to help others. Nonetheless, he’s in your top five simply because of the fact that he’s stationed abroad. He’s away long enough not to hate you for being a PMS bitch. And when he’s home he treats you like you’re a princess.
4. The Contractor.
Totally ignoring the fact that this man is good with his hands and perfect for backrubs, but he can fix everything you break when the PMS bitch takes over your mind. Free labor – you have to love it.
5. The Attorney.
There are times when you do crazy things during PMS. Sometimes the things are so crazy, that you might even get arrested for doing them. Having free legal aid is a good thing. Bonus points for Ivy League lawyers.
If you had only figured this out sooner.