I’ve just been involved in a conflict. It’s been unpredictable, hurtful and vicious, although there’s been no actual fighting and shouting. I’ve spent a lot of time meditating and reflecting on what’s been going on. I have a need to understand and to feel, to remember and to learn. For me, this is a journey involving the whole being. I am experiencing and processing events, but I am also experiencing myself in a different way.
The conflict itself was irrelevant and stupid. It was based on misunderstandings and miscommunication, as most conflicts are. This time, I had strong support and was not alone. That made a terrific difference in that it not only steered me through this conflict with grace, but it also helped heal past conflict wounds. It helped me see that conflicts are not about right and wrong, but about basic needs and uncommunicated dreams. Conflicts are about hurts and reaction patterns, and they are about unprocessed emotions and raw rage.
As the conflict escalated I kept thinking about who I am. About who I want to be. I felt unfairly and awfully badly treated. My feelings were hurt and upset, and I just wanted the conflict to end. As a direct result of this I spent most of my time meditating. I meditated on love and forgiveness. On letting go, on choosing love, choosing happiness and a bright future. I meditated on forgiving the wrong that was being done to me and I felt the forgiveness fill my entire being and beyond. As a result I managed to remain calm, to sleep reasonably well and to conduct myself with dignity and humility.
I learned that I am responsible for how I respond to a situation or to a person. They don’t make me angry, sad or anything, I make myself. This is experienced wisdom for me now, as is the assurance that I can choose love. By choosing love I refused to feed the conflict. By choosing forgiveness I refused to respond with spite. I am sure my reaction did affect the outcome of the conflict.
I also learned that the other person probably has stuff to deal with that I know nothing about. Trying to put myself in the situation of the other was useful in that I realised that their world was different from mine. They have different dreams, ambitions and problems to me. So by choosing love I was reaching out, offering my hand. I also learned that when a conflict arises it isn’t always personal. Sometimes it is just stuff that gets in the way. People talk past each other.
My main learning experience is for my own future. I have learned that I can deal with whatever life throws at me. I have learned that I can conduct myself well, look myself in the eyes and not be ashamed of myself. I can be proud of what I have accomplished and of the person I have become. I choose love.
Vild Prestegard is an anthropologist, holistic therapist, Reiki master and public speaker based in Norway. She is a regular blogger for Cycle Harmony. You’re welcome to contact her at email@example.com with questions and comments.